Archive | May 2012

71. Relaxing, or Not

“Hey, Curly, like it?” I asked.

Curly started chasing his tail.

“You just had to nod or shake your head or growl. Tail-chasing is like a shrug – it means you don’t really care.”

“Hey, lady, look at me way up here!” Bilbo said to the woman riding the swing.  “I’m way higher than you are!”

“Curly!” I exclaimed in the morning.  “Just because my kids have to get up for school doesn’t mean I have to!  They don’t need beauty sleep the way Cam and I do!”

“He’s a dog, Elena,” Cam said.  “They’re like roosters, only featherless.”

“Don’t encourage him, Cam,” I said.

“Do you want him out of the room or not?” Cam said before running off down the stairs.

“Horsie pretty, horsie smart, horsie drink tea with me!” sang Vasilisa.

“Only in your dreams, kid,” said Cam.

“Hi, Mom!” Tony said, trotting over that night.  “Fancy seeing you here!”

“It’s my house,” I said.  “And I was in the middle of something.”

“What, playing with the sprinkler?” said Tony.  “But you never do that!”

“Only cause you kids don’t give me time to.”

“Mom, come on!  I want to talk to you!” Tony complained.

“And Curly wants a treat,” I said.  “Don’t you, boy?  Yes, you do.”

“Sometimes I think you love that dog more than you love us,” Tony grumbled.

“And maybe you should walk away while thinking that,” I said.

“Who’s afraid of the tickle monster?” said Ashley.

“I – Not!” Vasilisa giggled.

“Mmm, mm-mm,” Ashley hummed as she licked a dirty, smelly plate.  “There are definitely undertones of pepper in this dish.”

At least she didn’t say there were undertones of boogers.

“Cam!” I shrieked.  “What did I say about freaking out?

“I don’t remember!  I’m too busy worrying about your giant belly exploding!”

70. Many Meetings

A/N: I am going to put this blog on hiatus for about a month or so, starting June 5 if not earlier.  I will be on vacation for a huge chunk of June, so I’m going to be pretty dang busy.

“No, don’t!” Bilbo complained as I set him down.  “Girls groddy!”

“Girls not groddy!” Vasilisa said.  “Boys groddy!”

“Come on, Persnickity,” said Zoey.  “Follow the pretty light under the couch.”

Persnickity just batted at it.

“Hullo, there, Edith,” said Cam.  “Guess who I am?”

She giggled as he tickled her.  “Moonda!”

“You’re not even close!” Cam said.  “I’m the mop-headed dragon!  And I have very itchy claws!”

“Edith’s beautiful,” I said.  “You’re doing a great job as a mother, Zoe.”

“Thanks,” said Zoey.  “That means a lot, coming from you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“But what if she was hideous?  Would you still think I were a great mother?”

“Of course I would!”

“Are you sure?” Zoey asked.

“…Why would you even ask something like that?”

I was going to miss my little Billy-bow this way.  He was so dang adorable.

Am I still allowed to say he’s cute?  Or do you think he’d yell at me if I did?

I decided to let the twins do their thing together.  They were the most twinny-twins I’d had.

“Mooom, stop embarrassing us!” said Sandry.

“It’s not that embarrassing.  Dad laughing at us is embarrassing,” said Daja.

Okay, maybe they’re not that twinny-twinny.

Daja surprised me with her frilly choice of outfit.  I always had her pegged as a tomboy.

“You’re such a stereotyper,” Daja said when I mentioned it.

Sandry picked exactly the same outfit as her sister, only in Daja’s favorite color.  Didn’t I say they would do the twin thing till death did them apart?  Yes, I did.

Daja got a job as a sports fan, and Sandry became a stylist.  Sandry had apparently met a man online named DeAndre Wolf and they were going to get married.  So she and Daja moved into DeAndre’s house.  I hope Sandry doesn’t regret it.

Of course, I didn’t get a chance to scold Sandry for picking a guy she barely knew.  I suppose it’s a good thing; she would’ve called me a hypocrite.

Jacob Danning is my most recent impregnator.

It was his husband Kay (yes, that’s what he said his name is) who put Jacob’s stuff in me.  Kay told me it was an experiment to make sure it was safe for a woman to carry Jacob’s kid.  Apparently…um, well, Jacob had a kid already, but that caused all sorts of complications.  So they were wondering if his stuff had anything to do with it, or if it was just that JACOB WAS THE ONE WHO FIRST GOT PREGNANT!  Sorry, that still freaks me out.  How does that even…work?

“Hi, Gavin,” I said to my third grandson. “Did you notice how much you and your uncle Jacob look alike?”

That’s Jacob talking to Tommy Reaper, Alice’s boyfriend and Gavin’s father.

“Oh, my, look at your eyes!  I do believe you have my eyes.  You handsome fellow, you!”

“Hey, Grandma, what’s with the new dress?” Jacob said.

“Don’t call me that, oh son of mine,” I said.  “And I could well ask you where your usual clothes are!”

“Someone’s hormonal,” said Jacob.