O Christmas Tree
O Christmas Tree
We finally got you up
The whole family helped, see?
Grandma got run over by the reindeer
Putting up the Christmas tree
So then I had tea
Though it was the middle of the night, I decided it was the perfect time to buy presents.
“Hello,” said the man stalking me. “I’m sorry if I seem rude, but you are a magnificient creature.”
“Thank you!” I said.
“I am Lord Lumion. And you are?”
“Elena Queen. You doing some Christmas shopping too?”
“Actually, I was getting a job. Anytime you want a massage, call me and I can hook you up with some sweet deals.”
“You got it.”
“Say, Elena, I know it’s midnight and all, but would you care to trespass on the festival grounds with me?”
“Sure. Who’s gonna call the cops?”
“When you said trespass, I thought you meant we’d just hang out and build an igloo.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun!”
“Okay, okay, it does look fu – whoa, that’s a long way down.”
“Are you sure this’ll be fun?”
“Just go, Elena.”
So I closed my eyes. “Here goes nothing.”
Hmm, so maybe closing my eyes was a bright plan! I’m still up!
This fairy can work it!
“Hurry up, Elena! The sun also rises!”
“That. Was. Amazing! I’m gonna give up having kids and just be a professional snowboarderthinger!”
“Kids, huh? How many have you got?”
“Fifty-five cherubs as beautiful as you? The world is indeed a good place.”
“Oh, Lord. You’re layin’ the charm on thick. Just kiss me already.”
Good boy! Wait, since he’s a vampire, does that make him a cat? What does one say to a good cat?
“Mind if we go back to your place? I’m fairly roasting here.”
“Sure. I invite strange men home I’ve only just met all the time.”
“Daddy, look! I’m magic just like Mommy! Aren’t you proud of me?” asked Jesme.
“Proud? Actually, I’m rather proud of myself for creating such a fine present for Elena. You are a perfect specimen of my craft.”
“Aren’tchu giving yourself a little too much credit, dude?” Tasia asked. “It takes two.”
“I dunno where she learned that, Daddy. Arentchu coming in? You look like you’re on fire.”
“I SWEAR I’M NOT A VAMPIRE! RUDOLPH JUST PUT COAL IN MY CLOTHES! IT’S DUSTY!”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I rolled in the snow till the coal came out.”
“There wasn’t any coal,” said Ira.
“Just smile and nod,” said Holly. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“Stop it, Holly. You’re being mean,” said Jesme.
“Not to worry. They just don’t believe in Santa anymore. It’s quite normal, just a natural part of growing up,” said Claus. “But since you’re my daughter, you’ll always believe.”
“Take that!” said Jesme to Holly.
“Oh, my! A vampire!”
“Me? What does that make you?”
“A wreath in a wig?”
“I’VE GOT TO STOP COMING HERE! THIS IS A MADHOUSE! A MADHOUSE, I SAY!”
“You’re the madman.”
“Uh-uh! See you, creepy vampire! I have toys to make!”
Finally. We were alone.
Do we have to count my granddaughter?
She was asleep.
I now have a beautiful rug. Why? Why not?
“Oh, Evalynn, I am glad you are enjoying our dance. But you don’t have to shove a sock puppet in my face. I would like to dance with you.”
“Mer, that’s totally creepy. You want to dance with a girl? Then stop pretending to and learn some moves,” said Yoshi.
“Girls like being touched. So hold their hands. Or just brush against them.”
“Do not put your arms up. You’ll stink after an hour of trying not to stink. So just don’t.”
“And when you get to the kiss, lean in very close but don’t kiss her unless she makes the move first. Girls want to have all the choices.”
“And for Berry’s sake, don’t drop her in a dip! Wait, if you did that, she’d have a concussion and would forget your smelly armpits. On second thought, drop her. Every time.”
“Do you guys mind? Your weirdness is distracting me from somethin’ serious!”
“Oh, Barbie, you look simply amazing in that dress! Let me just give you a tiara…”
“At least we get a snow-slide in the winter. I wish Mom would get us a proper water-slide.”
“Are you kidding? When you stand up you look like you peed yourself!”
“Lord, this is hard to say, considering it’s the holidays and all.”
“But I can’t let you stick around any longer. I’ve got my parents, my grandma Anna, and five of my kids coming over for Christmas. I need more beds.”
“Let me just give you a kiss before you leave.”
“No, thank you, Elena. I appreciate the offer, but I think it’s best if we part as friends. I hope you enjoy Christmas. I will find some amusement. If nothing else, I can surround myself with other lonely ones at the lounge.”
I got this ah-mazin’ snowglobe while shopping. And the Kwanzaa picture behind me. And there’s Hannukah candles on the birthday counter. Multicultural, I am. All right, so I just got the stuff cause it looks cool.
“Gran, there’s somethin’ I’ve been wonderin’.”
“Well, how come you have such short pregnancies? And how come your kids age up so quick? It’s like magic, but there’s no magic I know of that does all that.”
“There’s nothing unusual about that. It’s been like that since I had Roddy.”
“Seems pretty unusual to me. Lots of people have long pregnancies, but yours are over in a few days. And there’s something else too. I did some research on my adopted aunts and uncles and they grew up at the same rate as your bio-kids. What gives?”
“There’s no mystery to it, Holly, I swear. I’m just a baby challenge mom having 100 kids. We all have some tricks up our sleeves. Cam’s mom was a witch, and so was his grandma.”
“Well, you’re no witch. And you weren’t even a fairy until recently. And that was because of me.”
“Holly, just stop, okay? There’s some things you don’t need to know.”
“But I can sense it! It’s just at the tip of my magic, my awareness. Tbere’s something about you that’s different. It’s in your babies too. Heck, it’s in me because I’m your descendant!”
“No. If it’s that cool, then I want in on it. Besides, it’s been bugging me for ages. I have to find the answer!”
“No, you don’t. Some things are meant to stay a secret. And this is one of them. Please leave this alone.”
“Sorry, but I’m bored. Protecting is a lot of waiting and not much else.”
So Holly started her search.
She was in the wrong place, though. My secret has nothing to do with magic.
She’s getting warmer. It’s only a matter of time before she stumbles on the conspiracy theories.
Why didn’t I stop her? Was a little busy.
I gave birth to Shya…
“So you’re sayin’ Mom’s actin’ secretive all the sudden causa us aging?” asked Ira.
“Why would she do that?” asked Tasia.
“That’s what I want to know,” said Holly.
“I know, but I ain’t telling,” said Yoshi.
“Come on! Pleeease?” said the twins.
“How we gonna find out?” asked Ira.
“Don’t ask me. Let’s just let Holly figure it out. Or we could pester Yoshi.”
“I like plan B.”
And as for Elena’s sudden secret? Well, I’ve actually had it in mind for a while but didn’t really think to hint at it before. All I can say is – you’ll see. 😉